I want to see how others feel about this. I sometimes feel self-conscious when stuttering, not always, but certain times when I stutter a certain way. And it feels odd considering I accept my stuttering.
For example, just last night, I felt a wave of self-consciousness when I left work. I always say good night to the Maintenance guy. I am no fool – there are certain people you should be nice to. (Well, you should be nice to everyone, right?) If I want my trash emptied every day and an occasional box of tissue for the office, I make it a point to chat briefly with him daily.
He is always the last one out of the building – he has to wait until we all leave so he can set the alarms. Sometimes he is waiting for us to leave, other times he is in his office down the hall. On those occasions, I usually yell, “Night, Doug!”
I almost never say “good night” because I never know how the “g” is going to come out. There, I said it. Guilty as charged. I stutter sometimes on the “ga” sound, so tend to avoid it when I have to yell my greeting. Silly, minor, trivial . . . . but I am very aware that I do that.
Well, last night I must not have been thinking. I yelled “Good night, Doug” and it came out “Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-good night. ” Yikes. I felt it – so self-conscious, because the people I was walking out with heard it. Nothing happened. They didn’t comment, I didn’t get struck by lightning.
But I still felt that feeling – tightening of the chest, quick flush of the face, sped up heart beat. I also wrote about this on Feb 10, 2010.
Do you ever experience that? What makes you feel self-conscious about your stuttering?
0 comments:
Post a Comment